Listen and Learn: This is How She Wants You to Use Your Finger During S*x

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This is another bedroom secret every man must learn in order to make his s*xual game more passionate.

1. It’s More Than Sticking Your Finger In And Out

It’s not what you put in, it’s what’s on the outside that counts. Specifically, we’re talking about the cl!t. One point echoed throughout the study was that the kind of “f!ngering” that actually brings women to orgasm is rubbing of the outside area around the cl!t. In fact, that’s how most women masturbate, because it’s what actually feels the best. For the vast majority of women, penetration is nice, but it’s kind of like rubbing your balls: Pleasant, but not going to make you come.

2. Different Women Like Different Things

There’s no “one move fits all” technique that’s going to do the trick — and anyone who tells you differently is lying. The women who participated in this study went as far as to say that the guys who think they have “the move” are usually worst at giving pleasure. The mentality of “one move to finish them all” makes sense to men, since moves like stroking and sucking work for almost all guys — and if there’s lube, just about any rubbing is going to feel good to some degree. But for women, it’s truly different strokes for different folks. The cl!t is so sensitive that some strokes can feel really uncomfortable or even hurt certain women. Meaning, if some move felt really good for your ex-girlfriend, that doesn’t mean it’ll do the trick for your next girlfriend.

3. Most Agree That ‘This One Move’ Doesn’t Do It

Porn that shows women getting rubbed out typically portrays a hard and fast back and forth motion — aka the “DJ” move. According to the OMGYes study, that kind of super fast cadence and pressure directly on the clit only feels good for 1 in 48 women. For the rest, it either doesn’t feel great or actually hurts. To put it into perspective, imagine someone taking your dick and rubbing the tip really hard with their palm as fast as they can. It’s a sharp painful tickle, and you want it to stop. For the vast majority of women, it’s not a good move — even if women in p0rn are pretending to like it.

4. Fingering Isn’t Just For Foreplay

It’s a true fact that very few women get off by way of penetration alone. In the study conducted by OMGYes, 72% of women said they need their cl!t stimulated during intercourse in order to reach org@sm. Meaning, lending a helping hand to your lady’s most sensitive part during intercourse is going to lead to more orgasms. In fact, the resounding sentiment from the study was that the cl!t gets attention paid to here and there, but most women would prefer to have it touched throughout the act.

OK, so now that we’ve covered the big learnings from this study, you’re probably wondering where you should go from here. To really understand the different patterns and ways of touching that feel best for your lady, you have to try them out. While we can’t give you a list of surefire ways to get your woman off, we can give you a few suggestions based on our learnings from OMGYes.

5. Start By Touching Everything Except The V@gina

Lots of guys go straight for it, the way they wish women would go straight for their d!ck. But for most women, the more anticipation that’s built up that’s built up before touching the v@gina, the more aroused they become — and the more pleasure she’ll feel once you do start to touch her down there. The women who were surveyed said that kisses on the lips, neck, shoulders and arms usually do the trick, as well as gently, slowly stroking their stomach, legs and thighs.

6. Be A Tease

Approach the crotch area, but keep passing around it — as if it doesn’t exist. One woman from the study likened this tactic to playing with a cat. If you reach right for it, it runs away. If you tease and don’t stroke it — it comes to you.

Another woman described a method she calls the “fake-out.” To do it, you move your fingertip down your woman’s body from her neck to her breasts to her stomach — but instead of landing at her crotch, veer down her leg. Then, on the way back up, move your fingertip in another path that misses her crotch too. These moves build anticipation and help awaken arousal. Many women love this kind of withholding, and will eventually move their crotch toward your finger or tongue as it passes by — a good sign that the clit is ready to be touched. The more awake her body is, the more pleasurable it will be when you finally touch her.

7. Use The H00d

The cl!t wears a naturally occurring hoodie of skin, which helps soften contact since the cl!t is super sensitive. Staying right on the clit is often pretty painful — to paint a picture, one woman from the study described the sensation as “the feeling of sticking a q-tip way too far into your ear.” Not a good feeling. To balance this, most women say that “layering” with the hood brings them the right amount of pleasure without the pain that direct contact with the clit can end up facilitating. To try layering, touch the hood, rubbing it so that the pressure you’re putting on the h00d makes contact with the cl!t.

8. Spread The Wetness

You have to marinate before you barbecue. Before touching the clit directly, most women say they prefer you to spread the wetness from the inside of their v@gina. Get it on your finger, and “paint it” onto the rest of the lips and cl!t. Using this natural lube makes touching feel smoother, and allows your fingertips to glide and caress instead of pulling or catching on the sensitive skin. Keep in mind, you’ll likely have to go back for seconds and thirds of wetness in order to get it well-coated. It’s also good to note that not all women make a lot of natural lube (even if they’re really turned on), so don’t be shy about adding some manufactured lube into the mix.

9. Touch The Cl!t Lightly

According to the women surveyed, the most commonly appreciated “first touch” of the clit is with a feather-light touch. We’re not trying to get all soft here, but one woman compared the initial touch that she likes the most to rubbing honey on a butterfly’s wing. Keep your touch delicate and light, so that your fingertip isn’t even moving the skin, just gliding over it — not pushing or pulling.

10. Pay Attention To Her Reactions

Many women from the study reported that the guys who are best at fingering are the ones who start off gently and then try different moves, while watching and asking for feedback. They also ask questions that don’t put their lady in a tough spot. For example, questions like “‘Is that good?” or “Are you close?” are not the direction you want to go, since you’re setting her up to have to hurt your feelings if the answer is no. Instead, ask questions like “Faster or slower?” or “Higher or lower?” The answers to these questions will actually give you useful information to make the pleasure better — not hurt your ego.

11. Tell Her You’re Not In A Rush

One big factor that prevents women from reaching org@sm is that they have too many concerns running through their head. They’re worried that they’re taking too long, or that they’ll offend their partner if they ask them to change their moves. The quickest, easiest thing you can do to up your chances of getting your woman off is to take the pressure off of her by telling her that there’s no rush. Tell her that you’re loving the process, and that it can take as long as it needs to. Also, let her know that it’s okay if it doesn’t happen. Many women can’t reach the big “O” because they feel like they’re going to be letting their partner down if they don’t. If you take that end goal off the table, she’s actually more likely to get there.

Bottom line: The best lovers aren’t the ones who can move their fingers a certain way. They’re the ones who are super in tune with how their girl is feeling, who go the extra mile to make her feel comfortable enough to give feedback. If you can get your woman talking, telling you how she wants you to touch her, that’s golden. The most mind-blowing orgasms are the ones that happen as a result of trial and error — with lots of communication throughout.

–AskMen